Article written by: Dianne Prince
Proverbs 22:6, “Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it.”
Life is filled with choices—spur of the moment choices that can make the difference between living a life of integrity or living a life of regret and shame. We are confronted with choices every minute of the day. And we get to decide which road we will go down. We all know right from wrong. We were taught as a child to do the right thing, to treat other people right, and to make rational, Bible-based decisions.
An adult daughter has abandoned her child for the companionship of a man she met at the bus stop. Her Mom is left to care for the two-year-old child. Across town and unrelated, a twenty-four-year-old son just robbed a bank along with two other friends. His mother learns of it on the evening news. In yet another unrelated story, an adult child is strung out on drugs. She is in and out of jail for robbery and theft because she steals to support her habit.
The common thread of these scenarios is each of the people involved grew up in strong Christian homes. They were not sent, but they were taken to church. They all grew up in homes with a strong support system. They did not grow up in poverty but were given what they needed in order to be successful in life. Their parents lived a God-fearing life and taught their children all the ins-and-outs of honesty, integrity, and reverence for God.
With similar scenarios above, parents all over this nation are wondering, “What happened?” They are asking themselves, “Where did I go wrong?” As a parent, you did not do anything wrong. What happened was “free will” kicked in. Free will is the ability of a person to choose for themselves which path they will take. And many chose to do what satisfies them for a season versus thinking about the consequences of a lifetime.
God created you with the ability to independently make choices in your life as opposed to Him making choices for you. When God created Adam, He gave Adam the ability to choose his own destiny. In Genesis 2:16-17, “And the LORD God commanded the man, saying, “Of every tree of the garden you may freely eat but of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil you shall not eat, for in the day that you eat of it you shall surely die.”
God told Adam not to eat from the tree of knowledge of good and evil. Adam was given a choice. God’s will was that Adam obey Him. Nevertheless, Adam and Eve both chose to do just the opposite of God’s command and His desire for them. God allowed them to disobey Him even thought it was against His will. Why? God created us with the ability to choose how we will live, if we will obey Him, and if our choices will be self-gratifying or God-edifying.
Like Adam, we were all created with the ability to freely choose for ourselves the direction we will take in life even if our choice is in conflict with God’s Word. It is important to note that although God allows us to make our own decisions about life, He imposes consequences when we disobey.
Read Genesis 3. The consequences of your choices are individual, and you do not get to choose the nature of them. God does. You know the story. Because of disobedience, the serpent was cursed to crawl on his belly for the rest of his life. Eve was commanded to submit to her husband and to have pain in childbirth. And, Adam was required to work all the days of his natural life to make a living for himself and his family. We live out those consequences today because we are descendents of Adam.
Where did you go wrong with that adult child who made an embarrassing decision that took him or her down the path of destruction? You did not. Teen and young adult children go their own way because they conscientiously choose to do so. They have free will. Thus, they decide to make choices contrary to their upbringing.
The thing you need to remember is not to become an enabler in your adult child’s choice of self-will. Instead, impose consequences upon them. God did. He banished Adam and Eve from the safety and comfort of their home—the Garden of Eden. That is something to think about.
The Bible commands us in Proverbs 22:6, “Train up a child in the way he should go, And when he is old he will not depart from it.” This scripture does not say if you train them up properly that they will grow up to follow your teaching. What it says is if you train up your children in the fear of the Lord, they may stray. They may make bad decisions. But that scripture promises that they will eventually return to their home training.
“When he is old” is not a chronological age, but it is when that adult child reaches the point of “spiritual maturity.” It sometimes takes some hard knocks, many painful lessons, and multiple disappointments in life for some people to mature in the things of God. If you trained them and they stray, they will eventually return to their foundation.
Your job is to train, to be patient, and not to interfere with the perfect work God is doing in their lives as He applies His discipline to bring them back to their spiritual senses. In the meantime, pray for them to gain spiritual wisdom and revelation knowledge of God’s Word.
God permits your adult children to decide for themselves. Thus, guide them when needed, hold them accountable for their actions when necessary and pray for God to fill them with spiritual wisdom. Wisdom will help them make the right choices every single time. Do your job. And, Give God the freedom to do His job in the lives of your adult children, adult family members and adult acquaintances.
More daily inspiration can be found in the book Stronger and Wiser by Dianne Prince.
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